Ranking the top 5 moments from “Supernatural” season 15 episode 18: “Despair”

Happy Friday TV fans! After watching The CW’s Supernatural season 15 episode 18, I witnessed one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking episodes on television of all time and I’m still not even sure if I’m ready to talk about it…

Please note MAJOR SPOILERS are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.

In episode 18, “Despair,” Jack’s life hangs in the balance as Sam, Dean, and Castiel try to figure out a way to stop Billie from reaping their friends. Meanwhile, some old friends return and an earth-shattering choice is made.

My top 5 moments from Supernatural season 15 episode 18 are:


“What do we do?”

The beginning of the episode starts off exactly where we left off. Chuck is gone for now and Jack is ready to explode…literally. Dean tells Jack they are not giving up on him, showing just how much he truly cares about him while Billie shows up with perfect timing.

SPN Season 15 episode 18

Images courtesy of The CW

Billie explains that everything was doomed because of the Winchester brothers and sends Jack to The Empty so that the explosion can be somewhat useful. We quickly find out that Jack is still alive, but now everyone has a new catastrophic problem to deal with…


“I didn’t know who else to call…”

Other Charlie makes an appearance in this episode and is enjoying some breakfast when her girlfriend vanishes right in front of her almost in Avengers: Infinity War style.

Charlie calls Sam and Dean and asks them why she was taken and not her, which is a very good question. Sam and Dean realize that Billie will be going after anyone who has ever been resurrected or lived in another world, which puts other Bobby and Eileen in immediate danger.

SPN Season 15 episode 18 Charlie

Images courtesy of The CW

Sam tries to reach Eileen by text as they head her way, but she also vanishes and Sam’s reaction was heartbreaking, but he recognizes that he needs to temporarily push his grief aside to help everyone else.

So sorry, Sammy!


“We care about you because you’re you.”

Jack begins to feel useless, but Castiel presents us with another fatherly motivational speech, reminding him that they don’t care about him because he is some kind of weapon. They care about Jack because he is family and I thought this was really important for Jack to hear right now.

There’s already a lot of emotions stirring in this episode for sure.


“Let’s go reap a reaper.”

Sam and Dean split up to deal with Billie. Castiel says that he will go with Dean and Jack and Sam call up Donna to get everyone to a safe house of sorts, but things start to go horribly wrong.

Dean is able to fatally wound Billie, but she is not going to die without taking Dean with her. Even though Billie is the immediate threat, she does tell them that she is not the one going after their friends, suggesting it is Chuck cleaning up the world.

SPN Season 15 episode 18 Billie

Images courtesy of The CW

Poor Sam and Jack witness everyone they care about vanish before their eyes and I have to say that I was not prepared for the Donna one. 

Meanwhile, Dean and Castiel try to hold off Billie, but time is running out and this leaves Castiel with the inevitable option we knew was coming…


“You changed me, Dean.”

Deep breath…here we go. I knew this moment was going to happen. I’ve predicted it ever since I first heard Castiel make that deal with The Empty that we all wanted to just disappear into the void and I know many of you did too, but that didn’t make this moment any less heartbreaking.

SPN Season 15 episode 18 Destiel

Images courtesy of The CW

I’ve talked a lot before about some of my favorite characters on television and the ones that truly resonate with me are the ones with the biggest transformations. Characters like Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cole Turner on Charmed, Olivia Blake on The 100 and Castiel absolutely come to mind. And the reason why is because of their journey.

Castiel’s journey on SPN is one of the most important ones because he never really understood humanity. Sure, he didn’t get the references and he had us laughing until our sides hurt when he learned some moves from the pizza man, but Castiel’s gradual growth toward humanity has been inspiring and moving to watch.

And at the very center of that journey is…Dean. I have really witnessed a change in Castiel with Jack, but I thought it was the right move to have everything come back full circle with Dean.

Castiel recognizes that Dean is going to die, but he has one last trick up his sleeve. If he experiences “true happiness,” the Empty will come to claim him for good, but it will also be enough to absorb and stop Billie, which would save Dean.

Castiel’s moment of true happiness is telling Dean that he loves him, which may have been one of the most brilliant moments I have ever witnessed on television. Misha Collins had me sobbing my eyes out. The moment was inevitable in a lot of ways, but I also can’t ignore the beautiful simplicity of the power behind the words of love. A love so deep that you feel it with every ounce of your body and soul even though you know that you may never hear the words said back to you.

Castiel’s sacrifice was enough to save Dean, as he was left alone to contemplate what had just happened.

Honestly, I don’t even know if I have really come to terms with it yet, but I want to celebrate the character of Castiel and I respect the writers of SPN so much for allowing Destiel shippers this epic moment.

Only two episodes left…

Carry on until then.

Stay tuned SPN family!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own thoughts and theories on Supernatural in the comments section below.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!


Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl


Girl Number Thirteen Lurking Promo

It was only supposed to be temporary…but when Olivia Crewe accepts a new position that seems too good to be true, she soon discovers that twelve other girls previously had the same job as her. Only none of them lasted for more than thirty days. No notice. Nothing…right before they mysteriously disappeared without a trace.

My new supernatural thriller Girl Number Thirteen releases on November 12th 2020! Available for pre-order! I hope you enjoy!

Girl Number Thirteen is available here!

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Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

I live in Long Island, NY. I am obsessed with TV, movies, reading and writing! My top TV shows are Lost, Breaking Bad, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Prison Break, Charmed, Veronica Mars, and Beverly Hills 90210. My dog, Honey, loves TV too!

2 thoughts on “Ranking the top 5 moments from “Supernatural” season 15 episode 18: “Despair””

  1. No… I’m not crying. You’re crying… Ugh… This was a hard episode to watch. It’s like they were giving the audience a bunch of paper cuts with the vanishing people. Then they pour the salt on those cuts with Castiel.

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