Ranking the top 5 moments from “Shameless” season 9 episode 3: “S&M is not like Riding a Bike”

Happy Sunday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s Shameless season 9 episode 3, I realized that it’s sometimes necessary to update your image.  Whether that means updating your wardrobe to a pant suit, turning your bar from “rapey” to “Certifide Vagina Safe,” misspelling intended, or dusting off your red leather boots to help a friend in need, Team Gallagher is ready for a makeover to help make a difference.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch yet.  In tonight’s episode, “Weirdo Gallagher Vortex,” Fiona and Irish Ford clash after she closes her business deal, Liam goes to public school, and Lip tries to protect Xan.  Meanwhile, Ian tries out some new religions, Debbie experiments with a woman, and Frank continues to help Mo White with his campaign to make some cash.  My top 5 moments from Shameless season 9 episode 3 are:


“We need more dick.”

During the episode, Debbie grows closer to her new friend and they bond over welding their dick creations to the cars of men outside a strip club.  Debbie enjoys spending time with her new friend, but starts to question her own sexuality when she has a moment with her and makes out with her in the bathroom.  Even though Ian tells Debbie that she is not gay, she can’t ignore these new feelings surfacing.  Will Debbie explore these feelings further?  Is this a new possible relationship for her?


“Stop trying to save the world and save yourself.”

After getting out of jail, Ian is having a difficult time adjusting, no longer wanting to embrace the “Gay Jesus” title.  He tries to listen for “shim” or God, but is getting a busy signal.  Frank tells Ian that he needs to stick to traditional religions in order to find his enlightenment and Ian decides to give it a try.  After trying out Buddhism, Judaism, and Catholicism, Ian doesn’t find the answers he is looking for.  He is focused so much on hearing the words of “shim” or God and he doesn’t possess much patience when looking for his own “enlightenment.”  Later in the episode, Debbie sets Ian straight and tells him to “stop trying to save the world and save yourself.”  Will Ian take her advice?  We’ll have to stay tuned to find out, but I think it’s time for Ian to find a new calling.  Maybe one of a lesser power.


“So now you want a relationship?”

Fiona is beyond excited to sign off on her new business deal with Max, but Irish Ford reveals his jealousy over the situation.  Fiona is initially confused by his behavior especially since they don’t really have a label on their relationship and have been “hanging out.”  Fiona’s dog, Rusty, makes a special guest appearance and keeps her company while she eats her cheeseburger, while Irish Ford eats at the table alone.  After speaking with V, V reminds Fiona that “people get hurt when you leave your options open.”  She further explains that she initially told Kev, “you’re my man, I’m your girl, and if you’re not happy with that…I’ll kill you in your sleep.”  While I’m not sure that Fiona and Ford need to go to this extreme, perhaps it is time for them to take their relationship to an official level, especially since Ford seems to have gone above and beyond to get his “apology” right for Fiona.  Will Fiona’s new business partner threaten her relationship with Ford?  Ford has openly expressed not liking Max, but is there more to the story here?


“Bitch I’m not asking.”

Carl is continuing to change lives one dog at a time, but is still determined to get into West Point.  He later discovers that V knows Congressman Ubberman, who used to be one of her former dominatrix clients.  Carl asks V if she can help him at all since he needs his recommendation, but V hilariously explains that “S&M is not like riding a bike.”  After going through some of her old clothes, she finds her whip and “Lenora” is back and better than ever.  V shows off her dominatrix skills and gets Congressman Ubberman to agree to recommend Carl for West Point.  Mission accomplished!


“They made a list of the rapiest bars in the South Side and the Alibi is number 1.”

During the episode, Kev and V discover that they were included on this list.  While they are initially shocked, they begin to look around and notice all of the posters and art that glorify sex and objectify women.  Kev is determined to make the bar less “rapey,” to bring back female customers and more importantly, because “rapey is wrong,” as V gently reminds him.  Kev reminds everyone that they should not refer to women as “chicks” and should perhaps try out “vaginal enterprises.”  V is not amused and he goes with “women” instead.  Kev tries to make sure the television programming is friendly for women, drinks like “Sex on the Beach” will now just simply be “The Beach,” and he even creates consent forms as well to ensure maximum safety.  Kev begins tracking his process and creates a chalk board sign on the back of the door that says, “Hours Since Last Rapey Talk.”  Kev is excited to start off with 2, but quickly has to change this back to 0 after Mo White reveals the truth about his past and an underage girl.  Kev is determined to make women feel safe in the bar and finally places his sign on the window, which says, “Certifide Vagina Safe,” complete with a drawing of what I can only assume is a vagina with boxing gloves.  While spelling has never been Kev’s strong suit, he is definitely putting forth a lot of effort to make everyone feel safe at his bar.  I guess it’s the thought that counts.  Stay tuned!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own thoughts on Shameless below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!


Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl


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Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

I live in Long Island, NY. I am obsessed with TV, movies, reading and writing! My top TV shows are Lost, Breaking Bad, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Prison Break, Charmed, Veronica Mars, and Beverly Hills 90210. My dog, Honey, loves TV too!

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