Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 4: “You Amaze Me”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I learned that it’s sometimes difficult to discover what we truly want in life.  We may think we know, but our actions tell another story.  Even though we may want to dive right into a solution, it may not reflect the inner desires of our heart.  Sometimes the best thing we can do is to walk away and to free our hearts and minds to finally discover what truly matters.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “404,” Alison and Ben meet again at a conference and get even closer.  Meanwhile, Cole and Luisa continue to argue and Cole seeks out some advice from his mother, Cherry.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 4 are:


“Because you know I thought she was my daughter.”

Part one of the episode opens up with Alison and we finally get to see some interaction between her and Noah.  Alison and Joanie are Skyping with Noah and Noah tells Alison that she looks good.  It looks like everyone is noticing Alison’s transformation, as she is much more together now than she has ever been.  Noah offers to buy her and Joanie plane tickets so that they can come and visit him in California and reminds Alison that he does miss Joanie.  Noah spent the first two years of Joanie’s life thinking he was her father and it’s natural for him to have formed an attachment with her.  While Alison seems hesitant about accepting his offer, it is nice to see that these two are on speaking terms.  We know that in present day, Noah and Cole are working together to find Alison, but is he completely over Alison?  Even though he clearly has feelings for his boss, Janelle, Alison still seems to have an impact over Noah.


“You have me.”

In part two, we see everything from Cole’s perspective and learn that Luisa is trying to get her green card.  Cole is initially excited to hear about this until he learns what Luisa is planning.  Luisa wants Alison to declare herself as an unfit mother to Joanie so that she can be Joanie’s legal guardian, which would help her case to obtain her citizenship.  Even though she says this will only be on paper, Cole is shocked and appalled by this request.  He explains that it will break Alison’s heart and reminds Luisa that she has him and that should be enough.  Luisa replies, “I don’t know,” suggesting that she doesn’t even know if she really has Cole’s heart anymore.  Cole is sick and tired of Luisa turning this into a competition between her and Alison, but is Luisa on to something?  Perhaps she didn’t want to bring it up before, but there have still been signs that Cole is not over Alison yet and I’m not sure that he ever will be.  Is this request enough to push him over the edge?


“Does she know you’re married?”

In part two, Cole tries to be a Good Samaritan and takes Bram to an AA meeting against his will.  Bram comically tries to say that Cole is kidnapping him, but Cole tells him to be quiet and just listen.  Sure enough, it’s a small world in Long Island and Cole meets Ben at the meeting.  Ben shares his own story and battle with addiction and tells everyone that he met someone and that “she’s like the woman I’ve been looking for my whole life.”   Cole thinks that Ben might be a good sponsor for Bram and tries to introduce himself after the meeting.  Ben explains that he needs to get home to his wife and kids and Cole asks him about the girl he was talking about.  Ben shrugs this off and tells him it’s complicated, but has no idea how complicated this is about to get when their paths cross again.  When Cole comes to pick up Joanie, Alison is waiting for her date to pick her up and he meets Ben for the second time.  Cole asks Ben if Alison knows that he is married and he begs him not to tell her.  He explains that he wants to be able to tell her in his own time and Cole does what he asks of him.  It’s clear that Cole is doing this for Alison’s sake more than his, but it’s only a matter of time before these two clash over being in love with the same woman.


“I just need to know that I matter.”

Cole comes home and finds Luisa packing, as she tells him that she is going to leave.  After talking with his mother, Cherry, Cole learns that his father went on a “Walkabout,” which is kind of like a spiritual journey or a rite of passage.  Cherry says that his father left for six months and gives Cole the postcard that she received from him.  She doesn’t know much about what happened to him there, but she recognizes that Cole is clearly torn and in need of some time away to figure things out.  Cole asks Luisa if she would wait for him while he leaves for a while and she agrees.  When Cole takes off, he looks at the postcard from Morro Bay, California and heads off to the place where his father once went off to.  Whether he is looking for answers about himself or his family, it’s clear that Cole needs to take a break from all of the pressure surrounding him.  Will he find out what his heart truly desires or will he find himself even more lost than he was before?


“Close your eyes, take a breath…what do you notice?”

In part one, Alison is delighted to actually have a friend at the conference and agrees to be Ben’s partner during the EMDR role-play training.  EMDR is a form of treatment that involves reprocessing memories and traumas.  When Alison tries this out with Ben, she becomes overwhelmed from her memories of Gabriel and her own nightmares.  Ruth Wilson had me in tears during this moment, as she was so believable and so real.  You could not help sympathizing with her here.  Alison rushes out of the conference, but Ben is not ready to give up just yet.  He follows her and suggests that they spend the rest of the afternoon on a boat.  Alison agrees and these two truly open up to one another and share some of their deepest secrets and fears.  Alison confides in Ben and tells him that she thinks that her dream was a premonition and that she missed the sign to save her son.  She tells Ben things that she has never shared with anyone, including Cole and Noah.  Perhaps she feels that Ben will truly understand or perhaps there is a connection here that is truly transcendent.  After Alison and Ben kiss, Alison purposely falls back into the ocean and stays beneath the surface for just a moment.  Ben jumps in after her to make sure she is OK and she explains that she was just trying to get away from him for a moment.  Whether this is true or not, it’s clear that Alison is finally opening the door to all of her feelings and is no longer repressing them.  While Ben seems to be worthy of Alison, what will happen when she finds out the truth about his marriage?  Also, in present day, Detective Jeffries has confirmed that Alison is the one who is missing, no longer using vague descriptions like “she,” which means that Ben might have something to do with her disappearance.  We know that Ben is capable of hiding things from Alison, but is he keeping something dangerous from her?  Stay tuned!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!


Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl


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Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

I live in Long Island, NY. I am obsessed with TV, movies, reading and writing! My top TV shows are Lost, Breaking Bad, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Prison Break, Charmed, Veronica Mars, and Beverly Hills 90210. My dog, Honey, loves TV too!

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