Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 9: “I Just Want To Live A Different Life”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I realized that it is never too late to try and change our own story.  Alison Bailey is proof of that.  Over the years, Alison has been broken, like a wounded bird, desperately trying to cling to some kind of temporary moment of bliss.  Even though Alison began to make real changes in her life, her true metamorphosis occurred when she took Helen’s advice and decided to change her narrative, refusing to let men treat her a certain way.  That made this episode even more tragic, dark, and heartbreaking for me.  I was so proud of Alison’s strength here, but sometimes there is a darkness in others that tries to stifle even the faintest light, dragging it deep into the ocean.  But not everything stays beneath the surface for long.  Please note major spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “409,” Alison prepares for her conversation with Ben and confronts him about his lie.  While the temptation remains, Alison focuses all of her energy on doing the right thing and finding out the truth.  Alison’s fate is finally revealed to the audience, which is both shocking and devastating.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 9 are:

5

“All I want is to somehow be forgiven.”

Part one of the episode is from Alison’s perspective, as she anxiously waits for Ben to arrive.  When he shows up, Alison does her best to keep the conversation going and explains that she has some things she wants to address with Ben.  Before she can get a chance, Ben reveals to Alison that he is married and that he has just left his wife.  Alison explains that she already knew this information and that she is “done being a woman you lie to your wife about.”  After all, Alison has already lived through this before and she knows that “it doesn’t end well.”  Ben opens up to Alison and tells her about his time as a soldier in Afghanistan and how he killed a kid by mistake, which has left him with a never-ending hole of guilt, weighing down on his conscience constantly.  He explains that he was not the same person when he returned and this impacted everything, including his marriage.  Alison compassionately listens to him, understanding what it means to walk around with that pain every day.

4

“Don’t mess with my heart, OK?”

Ben agrees to fix Alison’s sink even after she tells him she can’t see him anymore and then she agrees to make him dinner.  It seems like their break-up is amenable and I instantly began to question everything since we know that this is not the story that Ben told Cole and Noah.  Ben asks Alison to dance with him and Alison asks him, “What happens to us?  The ones who can’t be forgiven.”  Ben answers that he wants to live and the two share a kiss.  He asks Alison what she wants and she gives in to Ben and begins kissing him back.  This leads to them making love and it seems like everything is perfect between them now.  Only it’s too perfect and now we know why.

3

“Tell me the truth.”

Alison is cleaning up in the kitchen and hears a knock at the door.  The rain is still pouring outside and she looks down at the sink, which is now broken again.  When she opens the door, Ben is standing there and part two from Alison’s perspective begins.  One of the reasons why I adore this show so much is because we get to see things from different perspectives.  Usually each story has its own version or variation of the truth, but we ultimately get to peek into the hearts and minds of our favorite characters.  When part two opened up with Alison again, I realized that the first part was merely a dream or a fantasy of what could be.  Reality was now at the door and I was on the edge of my seat, fearing for the worst.  When Alison tells Ben she needs to talk to him, he is no longer kind and gentle like in the first part.  He tells her never to stand him up again and is clearly angry and on edge.  Ben begins drinking when he tells Alison about his time in Afghanistan, which now reveals that Ben knew that the kid he killed was not holding a real weapon.  Alison tries to ask him why he would do this and his anger begins to escalate even further.

2

“I don’t owe you a thing.”

We know that Ben has a problem with drinking and his behavior begins to become erratic.  He breaks down when Alison tells him to leave and cries in her lap and begs her to be with him.  Alison has had enough; however, and is ready to embrace the strong woman within.  She tells Ben she knows that he is married and it’s like a new darkness comes over Ben.  He is now suddenly calmer, but the danger is nowhere near gone.  He tells Alison that she better not tell his wife, threatening her.  Alison tells him that she won’t if he leaves and he turns everything around on her.  Ben tells Alison that she broke up other marriages and that he will only leave if she admits that this is her fault.  Alison stays strong and tells Ben, “I don’t owe you a thing.”  While I was so proud of Alison in this moment, I feared what would happen next.  Ben attacks Alison and hits her over the head.  As the blood rushes down on Alison’s face, her life began pouring out of her.  While I was hoping to be wrong about Ben, the reality of him being Alison’s murderer became painfully obvious when I realized that there were no other characters in this episode at the beginning of part two.

1

“I just want to live a different life.  I want to live a different story.”

At the end of the episode, we see Ben dumping Alison’s body into the ocean by the rocks.  Alison’s last monologue is heard, which is beyond heartbreaking.  Alison talks about wanting to live a different life or story so that she could be someone who could be happy.  She took Helen’s advice and finally tried to be strong and stand up for herself, but Ben refused to allow her the chance at a fresh start.  We see Alison’s body sinking to the bottom of the ocean, as this life is over for her.  In this moment, I wanted nothing more for Alison than for her to get another chance.  She has been through so much loss and pain along the way and it seems beyond unfair that her story ends just when she was starting to fight for the spark of life that had been trapped away for so long.  This episode was compelling and dark, revealing the ugliness that can lurk beneath the surface.  Alison was not perfect and she was completely aware of this, but she didn’t deserve what happened to her and I am hoping that Cole gets the chance to bring Ben to justice.  While Alison’s story may be over, Cole’s love for her will not burn out, keeping her memory alive.  Farewell Alison.  You deserved better.  Stay tuned!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support! 

I am so excited to announce that my book is now available!  If you enjoy fairy-tale retellings, paranormal romance, horror, and mystery, then this might be the book for you or someone you know!  Thank you for taking the time to check it out and I appreciate any feedback as well.  I hope you enjoy!

When Kallie Bennett, a jaded teenage girl plagued by her alcoholic mother and her peers molded out of sheer bubble gum perfection, chases after Alice in Wonderland herself, she ends up lost in her own version of Wonderland, which forces her to face her utmost fears and introduces her to familiar characters with a dark twist. Among these characters is Ches, a gorgeous vampire with a conflicted conscience, who becomes Kallie’s guide and blossoming love interest. She also crosses paths with Queen Hartley, a manipulative witch who has the power to strip away one’s memories and imagination, which brings a bone chilling new meaning to “off with their heads.” In The Search for Alice, Kallie starts to realize that her Wonderland is just as frightening as her own reality and that she cannot always run away from her problems. She must figure out a way to defeat Queen Hartley and return home before it is too late, but she soon learns that escaping Wonderland means leaving Ches behind forever.

Want to read more?  You can click the link directly below for a free preview.  Thanks for your support!

Free Instant Preview of The Search for Alice is available here!

The Search for Alice is available here!

The Search for Alice Cover

 

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Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 8: “We Need to Know that it’s the Real Her”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I realized that sometimes you spend so much time being strong for everyone else, that you almost forget to take a moment to let the grief and pain in.  Even if it is just for a moment, sometimes you need to allow all of your feelings to rush straight to the surface.  Whether this leads to crying or yelling, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you take the time to allow yourself to dive into your own feelings.  This doesn’t make you weak or selfish.  It just makes you human and it’s important that we process our feelings every now and again.  Please note major spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “408,” Cole, Noah, and Anton set out to find Alison and solve this mystery once and for all.  While these three bond along the way, nothing can prepare them for the discovery they are about to make.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 8 are:

5

“I want you to understand the hole that you left in her life.”

Part one of the episode is from Cole’s perspective and he teams up with Noah and Anton to find Alison.  After speaking to Alison’s mother, Athena, Cole learns about Alison’s father and decides to pay him a visit.  Noah insists that they take a polite approach so that they open up to them, but Cole cannot sit there and listen to Alison’s father judge her, especially when he talks about her “episodes.”  Cole reminds him that he hasn’t been there for her entire life and that he doesn’t know anything about Alison.  Cole refuses to let Alison’s father take advantage of her, remembering how Alison always felt like it was her fault that her father wasn’t around.  I have to say that I was also rooting for Cole in this moment, as it seems like her father was only out to use Alison, but we will need to wait and see if there is more to the story.

4

“What are you two doing together?”

So I never thought that I would see Noah and Cole working together on anything, but their love for Alison brought them together.  Anton added some comic relief as well, which gave the episode a lighter feel at first.  Even though the episode takes a dramatic twist, it was hilarious to see both Noah and Cole point out what works for the other in terms of getting women.  While Noah refers to Cole as a “classic moper,” Cole takes things further when he explains that Noah will make promises that he can’t keep.  Anton refuses to let them ruin the mood and schools them both when he “sexiles” Noah from the hotel room after he meets up with the owner’s daughter.  After barely escaping another disaster when her father pounds on the door, these three enjoy some male bonding, which helps keep their minds off the inevitable…at least temporarily.

3

“We need to know that it’s the real her…you do it.”

Cole and Noah are shocked when they find out that a body has been discovered.  Cole is barely able to process his own grief and refuses to look at the pictures to identify Alison’s body.  He wants to be brought to her actual body, but is warned that she drowned and was left underwater for several days.  When they finally approach the room, Cole cannot handle this and Noah courageously offers to identify her.  Cole’s reaction to Noah’s confirmation is beyond heartbreaking.  I have to admit that I was hoping that it would not be Alison and that we still had a mystery to unfold, but there is still more to the story.  Even though Cole cannot stand Noah, he genuinely appreciates that he was able to do this for him, as they are both connected forever to the memory of the woman they both loved so much.

2

“I don’t buy it.”

After receiving the heartbreaking news that Alison is dead, Cole refuses to believe that it is a suicide.  I have to say I agree with Cole, as it’s unlikely that Alison would leave Joanie especially when it seemed like she was finally getting her life back into some type of order.  While Cole tries to blame Ben, he has an alibi and explains that Alison broke up with him.  Cole is still not buying it, but I am starting to think that perhaps her father or his new wife had something to do with it.  We know that Alison was not about to hand her kidney over, especially after Athena tells her that she was raped by him.  Is it possible that they tried to take matters into their own hands?  While I’m not certain that this is true, it seems like Alison had such a great conversation with Helen and was finally ready to start changing her narrative.  So what changed when she returned from California?

1

Part two:  Noah.

I was surprised to see “Part Two” pop up on the screen, as the episode was almost over at this point.  There was so much going on that I almost forgot that the show was divided into separate parts.  However, this part was absolutely necessary and extremely moving.  The majority of the episode focuses so much on Cole’s own grief, as he desperately tries to find out what happened to Alison.  Noah was strong for Cole the entire time, but when he goes to the diner with Anton, he finally has a moment to himself.  Noah sees a woman in a waitress uniform that resembles Alison and all of his memories and feelings come rushing back.  When Anton goes to the restroom, Noah begins quietly sobbing at the table and I was crying right along with him.  While Noah may have confessed to Cole that his relationship with Alison was over, that doesn’t mean that he didn’t have something real with her.  The two of them shared a connection for many years and he clearly cared for Alison very much.  Noah did his part for Cole, but in this quiet and temporary moment, he is able to finally release his grief.  This moment was heartbreaking and I empathized with Noah completely.  Will Noah be able to pick up the pieces now that Alison is gone?  Will we finally find out what happened to her?  Stay tuned!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support! 

I am so excited to announce that my book, The Search for Alice, is now available!  If you enjoy fairy-tale retellings, paranormal romance, and mystery, then this might be the book for you or someone you know!  Thank you for taking the time to check it out and I appreciate any feedback as well.  I hope you enjoy!

When Kallie Bennett, a jaded teenage girl plagued by her alcoholic mother and her peers molded out of sheer bubble gum perfection, chases after Alice in Wonderland herself, she ends up lost in her own version of Wonderland, which forces her to face her utmost fears and introduces her to familiar characters with a dark twist. Among these characters is Ches, a gorgeous vampire with a conflicted conscience, who becomes Kallie’s guide and blossoming love interest. She also crosses paths with Queen Hartley, a manipulative witch who has the power to strip away one’s memories and imagination, which brings a bone chilling new meaning to “off with their heads.” In The Search for Alice, Kallie starts to realize that her Wonderland is just as frightening as her own reality and that she cannot always run away from her problems. She must figure out a way to defeat Queen Hartley and return home before it is too late, but she soon learns that escaping Wonderland means leaving Ches behind forever.

Want to read more?  You can click the link directly below for a free preview.  Thanks for your support!

Free Instant Preview of The Search for Alice is available here!

The Search for Alice is available here

The Search for Alice Cover

 

 

Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 7: “I Wish I Had Your Life”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I realized that sometimes you have to just let the fear in and embrace it.  You may want to maintain control over your emotions or keep your feelings locked away, but sometimes facing what scares us the most and saying it out loud can make a world of difference.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “407,” Helen decides to go to Joshua Tree with Sierra to attend a moon circle.  Meanwhile, Noah continues to involve himself in Janelle’s family affairs and then receives an unexpected phone call from an old friend.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 7 are:

5

“Eventually you get old enough and start to figure shit out.”

Part one of the episode is from Helen’s perspective and she impulsively decides to go to Joshua Tree with her neighbor, Sierra, even though she initially dismissed the previous invitation.  Helen’s reaction to the idea of the moon circle is hilarious, but she does get the opportunity to step away from her life for one night.  After the women at the circle write down their fears, the Guru begins reading them out loud and Helen provides each of them with really great advice.  Helen has experienced a lot of what they are going through now and her wisdom is very much appreciated.  The Guru passes the baton to Helen for the night, as she touches each and every one of them with her advice.  Maybe Helen has another calling she has yet to tap into just yet.  Either way, it was great to see Helen finally let her guard down for just a moment to really make an impact with these women.

4

“I’m not doing it for him.”

In part two of the episode, we see everything from Noah’s perspective and he is surprised when Anton shows up at his home to ask for his advice on whether or not to join the Marines.  Noah stays neutral and suggests that he at least go and see Princeton for himself before making a rash decision.  Noah also explains the importance of involving Janelle in this decision.  Janelle’s ex-husband, Carl, is not happy to see Noah back at his home again and asks him, “don’t you have your own family?”  Noah believes in Anton and does not want to see his potential go to waste.  Later in the episode, Janelle shows up at Noah’s home late and thanks him for what he did.  Noah agrees to take Anton to Princeton so that Janelle can focus on the board meeting and she is happy to see him standing up for her son.  The moment we have been waiting for has finally arrived, as Noah and Janelle enjoy a passionate night together without interruption.  While I’m not sure where they will pick up now that Alison is missing, it seems like this might be the first stable relationship Noah has had in a very long time.

3

“Control is really hot.”

In part one, Helen and Sierra continue bonding in their tent.  Sierra clearly feels guilty about sleeping with Vik, but decides to act on her growing feelings for Helen.  She passionately kisses Helen and the two share an intimate moment together.  While I had seen hints and implications at this earlier in the season, it’s nice to see Helen finally enjoy a moment for herself, as she is always so busy being needed by everyone in her life.  Sierra makes her feel wanted and free, as she is able to take a moment to truly relax and give in to what she wants.  She deserves it!

2

“I don’t want you to die.”

After Helen goes into the deprivation tank, she begins to panic in the small space.  Sierra opens the tank and asks her if she is all right, but Helen just needs to get out of there, as she takes off quickly in the car.  When Helen returns home, she immediately rushes over to Vik and reveals her own fear out loud.  Helen finally had the epiphany she was searching for and doesn’t want to waste another second.  She tells Vik that she doesn’t want him to die and Vik promises her that he won’t.  This moment was truly something significant and special for Helen and Vik.  Ever since his diagnosis, Vik has been focused on the statistics and the reality of his situation, but in this moment with Helen, he finally allows his heart and emotions to take over.  Whether he believes that he will not die or not, Vik understands the importance of holding on to the belief that he could be OK, giving Helen the glimmer of hope she so desperately needed.  We know that Helen has been speaking about starting menopause, but perhaps a baby is not so far off now.

1

“So who’s coming to get us?”

After Noah and Anton miss their connecting flight to New York, Noah notices that he has several missed calls from Cole.  He is finally able to answer and is shocked to hear what Cole has to say.  All of the pieces have now come together, as we finally catch up to the present day timeline, understanding how Cole, Noah, and Anton all end up together in the same car.  When Cole picks them up, Noah tries to stay positive, but Cole is clearly beyond worried that something terrible has happened to Alison.  Will they be able to find out what happened to Alison before it’s too late?  Stay tuned! 

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support! 

I am so excited to announce that my book is now available!  If you enjoy fairy-tale retellings, paranormal romance, and mystery, then this might be the book for you or someone you know!  Thank you for taking the time to check it out and I appreciate any feedback as well.  I hope you enjoy!

The Search for Alice is available here!

The Search for Alice Cover

 

 

Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 6: “What If You Change The Narrative?”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I thought about the idea that it’s easier to confide in a stranger than it is to your best friend or loved one and I started to wonder why that is.  Is it because we are afraid to let our loved ones see the inner turmoil stirring around inside of us?  Is it because we don’t want to taint their image of us or is it because we need to hear the raw and simple truth?  Either way, we sometimes get the best advice from someone on the outside, but what do we do with this advice?  Do we change our narrative or do we continue to go down the same path, continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again?  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “406,” Noah and Janelle continue to grow closer when they bond over Anton’s essay.  Meanwhile, Alison meets an unexpected stranger and finds out the truth about Ben and her day continues get worse until she has a real conversation with the last person on earth you would think would be willing to help her.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 6 are:

5

“He saved your life.”

Part two of the episode is from Alison’s perspective and she is visiting her mother, Athena, with Joanie while Cole is away.  Alison notices that Athena gets upset after a short phone call and that her phone continues to ring.  Curiosity eats away at Alison until she finally picks up the phone and is shocked to find out the identity of the person on the other line.  Alison meets a man named James who claims he is her father.  Alison is shocked by this revelation and explains that her mother said she never knew who her real father was.  James reveals his side of the story to Alison and explains that he is the one who saved her life, putting some of the pieces together of her lost memory, which involved two strong hands pulling her out of the water.  Alison realizes that the timing of this revelation is strange and asks her father, “why now?”  James explains that his kidneys are failing and he is hoping that Alison can get tested to see if she would be a potential match as a donor.  Before Alison can give a real answer to this request, she leaves the house, unable to process all of the information being thrown her way.

4

“Why did he reach out to you?”

Alison confronts her mother, Athena, and asks her why she kept this information from her.  Athena is upset to find out that James contacted Alison and begins laughing hysterically when she finds out that he wanted a kidney.  When Alison questions her mother further about this, she tells Alison the truth and explains that James raped her when she was nineteen and that she changed her name and moved away to protect her.  Athena tells Alison that she doesn’t remember anything about him saving her and Alison is having trouble processing everything, as she desperately needs some kind of escape at this point.  If James did not save Alison, it still makes us wonder about this memory she has locked away.  It was clearly traumatic enough to be blocked, but will we find out the truth about what happened to her?  Is it possible that James or his wife has something to do with Alison’s disappearance?  The questions keep coming as new players are introduced to the mystery, but we will have to wait and see how it all unravels.

3

“Hey pot, I’m kettle.  Nice to meet you.”

In part one, Anton approaches Noah and gives him an essay to look at, as he is now thinking about applying to Princeton again.  Noah is clearly having an impact on Anton and he wants to loop Janelle into the conversation, as he recognizes how much potential her son has.  Noah barges into Janelle’s office and interrupts a conference call with her supervisor.  Noah tries to get involved further by talking to him and explaining that he’s “incredibly lucky to have her.”  While this gesture is sweet and well intended, Noah is out of line and Janelle reminds him to knock next time.  After Trevor refuses to go to the concert with Noah, he ends up at Janelle’s doorstep and the two discuss Anton’s essay and begin growing even closer.  As fate would have it, just when they begin kissing, Anton and his father walk in the door and Noah finds himself out of place.  Janelle thanks him for coming over and Noah is beyond polite to Anton’s father, but is Noah overstepping here?  Noah is having trouble connecting to his own family and it looks like he has the chance to do so here, but something tells me that Anton’s father will not want Noah intervening any further.  I was disappointed to see Noah and Janelle’s moment together interrupted, but it’s clear that sparks are continuing to fly, but how will Anton feel when he finds out that his teacher and mentor is into his mom?

2

“You look good for a felon.”

After Noah gets a phone call and rushes off to bail Alison out of jail, we jump to part two to learn about the events that led up to this.  Alison tries to call Ben and she really needs to talk to him about everything she just learned about her father.  Her emotions are overwhelming her and she makes the decision to drive down to his work, but is in for an unexpected surprise when she meets his wife at the office.  Alison is stunned and walks out of there, desperately needing to just get away.  She uses Noah’s gift card to take a flight to California, but trouble refuses to stay behind.  Alison begins drinking and talking to the stranger next to her and it seems harmless enough until he begins touching her thigh and suggesting that they try out the mile high club.  Alison throws her drink on the stranger and tries to get up, but bumps her head and accidentally pushes over an elderly woman.  The misunderstanding begins to escalate and no one believes Alison when she tries to tell security that the man attacked her.  Alison’s terrible day hits a new low when she winds up zip tied for the remainder of the flight while a young girl records her on her phone.  #BadDay 

1

“You can manifest your reality.”

After Noah bails Alison out of jail, they are in the car and she begins breaking down and tells Noah she feels like she can’t breathe.  While it seems like Alison is having a panic attack, he rushes her over to Vik so he can make sure she is all right.  Helen offers for Alison to stay the night and even Alison comments that “this is weird.”  Alison turns to Helen, recognizing that perhaps she is the only person who can give her some real and honest advice.  She asks her, “Why do men look at me and see someone they can fuck with?  It’s like they can smell something on me.”  Helen talks to her about “manifesting her reality,” and explains that “if there’s something in your life you want to change, you just need to think differently and it will change.  Alison seems doubtful at first, but Helen reminds Alison that she doesn’t always need to play the victim.  She says, “If you don’t like the way men are treating you, change the story.  Play a different character.”  Helen’s words seem to really resonate with Alison and Helen reminds us why we love her so much when she tells Alison to tell Ben to “go fuck himself” and that it’s not OK for him to treat her like that.  It’s no secret that Alison and Helen have a beyond complicated past and this moment is truly important, as Alison gets some much needed advice that is free of an ulterior motive.  Helen has been going through her own issues and she reminds Alison that she is still young enough to change her story.  Will Alison be able to do so, however?  Either way, Alison genuinely appreciates Helen’s words.  I have to admit that I never thought I would see these two bonding over anything, but this moment of clarity was extremely important for both Alison and Helen.  Perhaps these two women can finally discover who they are and what they want without compromising themselves to please someone else.  It’s about time.  Stay tuned! 

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support! 

I am so excited to announce that my book is now available!  If you enjoy fairy-tale retellings, paranormal romance, and mystery, then this might be the book for you or someone you know!  Thank you for taking the time to check it out and I appreciate any feedback as well.  I hope you enjoy!

The Search for Alice is available here!

The Search for Alice Cover

 

 

Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 5: “Take Care of your Mind, Body, and Soul”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I learned that we sometimes have to go back to the past and walk in the steps of those before us in order to truly know which path to take for our own future.  We may find answers to a mystery that we never even knew existed or realize that we have never made a single choice for ourselves, but what we do next can help determine who we are and who we can still become.  We don’t have to travel across the country to find it, but sometimes we need to escape just for a little while to listen to our heart and find out what or who it truly desires.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “405,” Cole journeys to Morro Bay, California to find out more about his father’s surfboard, but meets someone unexpected from his father’s past who will potentially change his future.  Meanwhile, Vik feels like his whole world is crashing down around him, desperate to turn off the reality of his situation and live in the moment.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 5 are:

5

“I can’t do it alone.”

Part one of the episode opens up with Vik and it was refreshing to see things from his perspective.  Typically when we learn anything about Vik, it is from Helen’s eyes, so this was a nice change.  Vik certainly has a lot on his plate, as he has just found out that he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and is looking for some way to give his short life meaning.  After trying to talk to his parents, his father asks him, “Why do you have to be so cruel?”  Vik is merely trying to let his parents know about his life insurance policy and prepare them for the inevitable, but they don’t want to hear the truth about his situation.  Vik hopes to have better luck with Helen and is disappointed when the fertility doctor explains that their situation has not improved in order for Helen to have a baby.  Helen admits that she has not been giving herself the shots as much as she should because she really doesn’t want to have a baby in a world without Vik.  While one can understand where Helen is coming from, who already has four children, Vik is crushed by this and is angry that Helen has lied to him once again. 

4

“I haven’t made a single choice for myself.”

After realizing that his day isn’t going to get any better, Vik decides not to return to work at the hospital and instead buys a fancy Porsche with no hesitation.  After going off on his neighbor, Sierra, for leaving her garbage can out again, Sierra is distracted by his new shiny car and suggests that they take it for a ride.  After testing out how fast the car can go, Vik gets pulled over and starts laughing when the cop tells him that they could have gotten killed.  He blurts out that he has stage 4 cancer and the cop reminds him this isn’t the first time he has heard this from someone.  Vik tells him, “so write me a ticket then,” not caring about the consequences of his actions, as Sierra is shocked to find out that that Vik is dying.  Vik later returns to Sierra’s home and the two talk about their lives and Vik comes to the realization that every single choice he has made has been for his parents.  He finally makes a decision for himself when he decides to sleep with Sierra, but will he be able to tell Helen what happened?  Vik is all about living in the moment right now, but what happens when reality begins to set in again?

3

“I come with the room.”

In part two, Cole travels out to Morro Bay, California and meets the beautiful and mysterious, Delphine, played by the brilliant Phoebe Tonkin.  Cole initially declines her forward advances, but eventually gives in to temptation after the two of them bond later in the episode.  Cole recognizes that his affair with Delphine is fleeting and temporary and she is perfectly OK with that, explaining that Cole doesn’t need to apologize to her because it was something she wanted.  Even though Cole will probably never see Delphine again, it’s clear that she has had an impact to him, opening his eyes to the truth that he kept hidden away for so long.

2

“You look so much like someone I used to know.”

Perhaps the biggest surprise for Cole is that he meets Nan, who is beyond shocked when Cole walks through the doors of the Perino Gallery.  Cole discovers that Nan is the one who made his father’s surfboard and quickly learns that they also had an affair for a summer.  Nan is very welcoming to Cole and has a free spirit charm that is endearing.  She confides in Cole about his father and tells him that he was adventurous, which drastically differs from Cole’s own memories about his father, who he described as “emotionally depressed.”  After revealing that his father died many years back, Nan is beyond upset.  Cole realizes that their affair was not meaningless, as Nan truly loved his father.  She shows Cole the love letters that she continued to write him for 10 years after he went back home and Cole starts to see everything with fresh new eyes.  Nan explains that she thought of Cole’s father, Gabriel, as her soul mate and her destiny.  She shows him that the symbol on his surfboard contains their initials, intertwined for eternity.  You can see the love in Nan’s eyes when she talks about Gabriel, as she tells Cole that he called her “wild eyes” and said that he didn’t know that women like her existed in the world.  Nan admits to Cole that they wanted different things and that she has no regrets, but that he had to return home because Cherry was pregnant and threatened to kill herself.  Cole is shocked to learn this, but Nan explains that she tried to do an “exorcism” of sorts through letters to give Gabriel the opportunity to free himself from her and move on with his life.

1

“Take care of your mind, body, and soul.”

After learning about the “exorcism” that Nan describes, Cole takes this opportunity to try it out for himself and to use it on his own feelings for Alison.  Nan reads each of the five letters to him, which are assigned with a task and asks Delphine to be his guide through this experience.  The letters start off with tasks like finding something in nature that has the scent of the one you love and writing down everything you love about that person.  It then escalates to burning these items along with the scent and stating out loud everything you hate that you associate with them.  Cole finally allows his emotions and feelings to reach the surface and his words are beyond moving.  He finally says that, “I hate that you gave up on me and I hate that I can’t give up on you.”  Delphine reminds him to state his intention as he says these words and burns everything and he finally says, “I want to be free of you.”  During Cole’s “exorcism” of his feelings for Alison, the song, “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron is playing in the background.  If you have ever seen the show, “13 Reasons Why,” this is the song that played when Clay and Hannah danced together and it instantly tugs at your emotions and you will find yourself crying before you know it.  You can listen to the song here.  This song was the perfect soundtrack to Cole’s “exorcism,” as he allows himself to try and be free of Alison, but tells Nan the next day that he only feels worse and it didn’t work.  Nan tries to tell him it worked for his father because the last task was to send back the letters and she has them.  Cole looks closely at the postmark and tells Nan that his father never sent them, as it was postmarked two years after he died.  He realizes that Cherry must have found them and sent them back to Nan, crushing her hope that Gabriel’s love for her still existed.  Cole explains that his father hung himself on his 10th birthday, just a couple of weeks after the last letter arrived.

This moment is heartbreaking, but Nan finally learns the truth that Gabriel’s love for her never burned out and Cole now understands that he is still in love with Alison and that he needs to tell her how he feels before it’s too late.  Delphine tells Cole to “take care of his mind, body, and soul,” before he goes and Cole thanks his father, as he leaves Morro Bay behind.  After watching this episode, I almost wish that part two was the entire episode, but I do think it is important that we saw what is going on with Vik as well.  That being said, part two of the episode was so beautifully written and well executed and may have been one of the most beautiful moments I have ever seen on the show.  Now that we know how Cole feels about Alison, will she return his love before it’s too late?  Does Cole get a chance to tell Alison that he loves her before she goes missing?  Stay tuned, as things continue to heat up each week!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support! 

I am so excited to announce that my book, The Search for Alice, is now available!  If you enjoy fairy-tale retellings, paranormal romance, and mystery, then this might be the book for you or someone you know!  Thank you for taking the time to check it out and I appreciate any feedback as well.  I hope you enjoy!

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Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 4: “You Amaze Me”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I learned that it’s sometimes difficult to discover what we truly want in life.  We may think we know, but our actions tell another story.  Even though we may want to dive right into a solution, it may not reflect the inner desires of our heart.  Sometimes the best thing we can do is to walk away and to free our hearts and minds to finally discover what truly matters.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “404,” Alison and Ben meet again at a conference and get even closer.  Meanwhile, Cole and Luisa continue to argue and Cole seeks out some advice from his mother, Cherry.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 4 are:

5

“Because you know I thought she was my daughter.”

Part one of the episode opens up with Alison and we finally get to see some interaction between her and Noah.  Alison and Joanie are Skyping with Noah and Noah tells Alison that she looks good.  It looks like everyone is noticing Alison’s transformation, as she is much more together now than she has ever been.  Noah offers to buy her and Joanie plane tickets so that they can come and visit him in California and reminds Alison that he does miss Joanie.  Noah spent the first two years of Joanie’s life thinking he was her father and it’s natural for him to have formed an attachment with her.  While Alison seems hesitant about accepting his offer, it is nice to see that these two are on speaking terms.  We know that in present day, Noah and Cole are working together to find Alison, but is he completely over Alison?  Even though he clearly has feelings for his boss, Janelle, Alison still seems to have an impact over Noah.

4

“You have me.”

In part two, we see everything from Cole’s perspective and learn that Luisa is trying to get her green card.  Cole is initially excited to hear about this until he learns what Luisa is planning.  Luisa wants Alison to declare herself as an unfit mother to Joanie so that she can be Joanie’s legal guardian, which would help her case to obtain her citizenship.  Even though she says this will only be on paper, Cole is shocked and appalled by this request.  He explains that it will break Alison’s heart and reminds Luisa that she has him and that should be enough.  Luisa replies, “I don’t know,” suggesting that she doesn’t even know if she really has Cole’s heart anymore.  Cole is sick and tired of Luisa turning this into a competition between her and Alison, but is Luisa on to something?  Perhaps she didn’t want to bring it up before, but there have still been signs that Cole is not over Alison yet and I’m not sure that he ever will be.  Is this request enough to push him over the edge?

3

“Does she know you’re married?”

In part two, Cole tries to be a Good Samaritan and takes Bram to an AA meeting against his will.  Bram comically tries to say that Cole is kidnapping him, but Cole tells him to be quiet and just listen.  Sure enough, it’s a small world in Long Island and Cole meets Ben at the meeting.  Ben shares his own story and battle with addiction and tells everyone that he met someone and that “she’s like the woman I’ve been looking for my whole life.”   Cole thinks that Ben might be a good sponsor for Bram and tries to introduce himself after the meeting.  Ben explains that he needs to get home to his wife and kids and Cole asks him about the girl he was talking about.  Ben shrugs this off and tells him it’s complicated, but has no idea how complicated this is about to get when their paths cross again.  When Cole comes to pick up Joanie, Alison is waiting for her date to pick her up and he meets Ben for the second time.  Cole asks Ben if Alison knows that he is married and he begs him not to tell her.  He explains that he wants to be able to tell her in his own time and Cole does what he asks of him.  It’s clear that Cole is doing this for Alison’s sake more than his, but it’s only a matter of time before these two clash over being in love with the same woman.

2

“I just need to know that I matter.”

Cole comes home and finds Luisa packing, as she tells him that she is going to leave.  After talking with his mother, Cherry, Cole learns that his father went on a “Walkabout,” which is kind of like a spiritual journey or a rite of passage.  Cherry says that his father left for six months and gives Cole the postcard that she received from him.  She doesn’t know much about what happened to him there, but she recognizes that Cole is clearly torn and in need of some time away to figure things out.  Cole asks Luisa if she would wait for him while he leaves for a while and she agrees.  When Cole takes off, he looks at the postcard from Morro Bay, California and heads off to the place where his father once went off to.  Whether he is looking for answers about himself or his family, it’s clear that Cole needs to take a break from all of the pressure surrounding him.  Will he find out what his heart truly desires or will he find himself even more lost than he was before?

1

“Close your eyes, take a breath…what do you notice?”

In part one, Alison is delighted to actually have a friend at the conference and agrees to be Ben’s partner during the EMDR role-play training.  EMDR is a form of treatment that involves reprocessing memories and traumas.  When Alison tries this out with Ben, she becomes overwhelmed from her memories of Gabriel and her own nightmares.  Ruth Wilson had me in tears during this moment, as she was so believable and so real.  You could not help sympathizing with her here.  Alison rushes out of the conference, but Ben is not ready to give up just yet.  He follows her and suggests that they spend the rest of the afternoon on a boat.  Alison agrees and these two truly open up to one another and share some of their deepest secrets and fears.  Alison confides in Ben and tells him that she thinks that her dream was a premonition and that she missed the sign to save her son.  She tells Ben things that she has never shared with anyone, including Cole and Noah.  Perhaps she feels that Ben will truly understand or perhaps there is a connection here that is truly transcendent.  After Alison and Ben kiss, Alison purposely falls back into the ocean and stays beneath the surface for just a moment.  Ben jumps in after her to make sure she is OK and she explains that she was just trying to get away from him for a moment.  Whether this is true or not, it’s clear that Alison is finally opening the door to all of her feelings and is no longer repressing them.  While Ben seems to be worthy of Alison, what will happen when she finds out the truth about his marriage?  Also, in present day, Detective Jeffries has confirmed that Alison is the one who is missing, no longer using vague descriptions like “she,” which means that Ben might have something to do with her disappearance.  We know that Ben is capable of hiding things from Alison, but is he keeping something dangerous from her?  Stay tuned!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support! 

 

Ranking the top 5 moments from “The Affair” season 4 episode 3: “I’m your Boss”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching Showtime’s The Affair last night, I learned that sometimes the best thing we can do for someone we love is to merely be there to support them.  Even though we may want to immerse ourselves into their lives and their problems, we need to also recognize when to give the appropriate amount of space as well.  It’s not possible to control every situation even though we may want to.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In last night’s episode, “403,” Noah continues to try and make a difference with his students, specifically with Anton.  Meanwhile, Helen has trouble dealing with Vic’s diagnosis and clashes with his mother inadvertently.  My top 5 moments from The Affair season 4 episode 3 are:

5

“Please don’t pretend to be a real teacher.”

Part one of the episode opens up with Noah and we learn that he is still trying to make a difference with his students as well as with the administration at the school.  In a staff meeting, Noah brings up Anton and explains that he is worried about his life at home, but thinks that he has real potential.  We later discover that Anton is actually the principal, Janelle’s son, which puts Noah in an awkward position.  While the other teachers applaud Noah’s boldness, Noah goes to Janelle to apologize and explains that he didn’t know.  Janelle reveals her thoughts about hiring an ex-con at her school and sheds some light on what she has to deal with on an everyday basis.  After telling Noah not to pretend that he is a real teacher, Noah reveals how much he wants to be there and help Anton.  While these two are still clashing, sparks are definitely in the air and it’s only a matter of time before their passive aggressive comments lead to some passionate foreplay.

4

“I totally totally don’t.”

In part two, we see everything from Helen’s perspective and learn that Vic has been diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer.  Helen desperately wants to talk about a plan and all of her feelings, but Vic wants to focus on living out his life the way he wants to.  Helen’s neighbor, Sierra, interrupts a complicated discussion without realizing it and just really wants to get to know Helen and invites her to experience a kind of spiritual retreat.  Sierra represents the carefree California attitude that Helen is desperately trying to get away from and she ends up snapping at Sierra, revealing the true New Yorker within.  Sierra is surprisingly not offended by Helen’s quick dismissal and something tells me that she might be the key to opening up Helen to a whole new world whether she realizes it right now or not.

3

“Girl’s got a type.”

In the beginning of the episode, we are in present day time and Cole is with Noah and Anton in a car.  Anton hilariously tries to piece together their connection to Alison, which is laugh out loud funny.  Cole speaks to Alison’s mother, Athena, on the phone and learns that the last person she spoke to was Ben.  Cole mentions that Ben is married and Anton reminds them both that she certainly has a type.  While we still don’t know what has happened to Alison, it’s clear that Ben has something to do with it.  We’ll have to stay tuned for the mystery to continue to unfold, but I am loving the unexpected teamwork between Cole and Noah and Anton is lightening up the mood for sure.

2

“People in New York don’t take deep breaths.  They fight.”

After failing to get Vic to commit to getting a second opinion or treatment, Helen confides in her therapist about what is going on.  Rather than focus on her feelings, she tries to ask him about his connections in the medical field, desperately trying to find some way to help Vic.  Her therapist reminds her that perhaps what Vic really needs is for Helen to just love and support him, which is spot on.  Vic doesn’t want to rehash the diagnosis and he begs Helen not to tell his parents about him being sick.  After Vic is honored for his work, Helen confronts his mother in the bathroom and tells her what is going on.  Helen is shocked when his mother wants to leave and states that she is not feeling well.  Helen blurts out everything and Vic’s face is full of disappointment.  His mother leaves and tells him that she loves him and knows that he will figure out what to do.  Vic loses his temper with Helen and refuses to give her false hope, as he explains that his illness is very real and that he is going to die.  All Vic wants is to have a baby, but Helen feels almost like the walls are closing in on her when she sits in the doctor’s office waiting room and realizes that she is just simply too old for this.  Will Helen ultimately decide to go through with an unwanted pregnancy to give Vic what he wants or will she make the bold decision to follow her own path?

1

“I’m your boss.”

Noah continues to try and get through to his students and make them more engaged.  They are currently reading T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland,” and Noah introduces his students to the concept of “previewing.”  According to Noah, previewing is about “making intelligent predictions about what a book is based on first impressions.”  Some of his students participate and call out things like “creepy old white dude,” but Anton takes it a step further when he challenges the reading material and suggests that their curriculum include more relevant authors.  Noah is clearly impressed by Anton’s idea.  His students have been lately feeling like they are unheard and unfairly punished at school and Noah provides some inspiration for a walkout.  Whether it is intentional or not, Anton leads the class out the door and the walkout quickly escalates enough for the police to get involved.  When the media begins grilling Janelle about what is going on with her administration, Noah steps in and saves the day.  Only Janelle wasn’t really asking to be saved.  Later on, he sits with her at the bar and the two have a real and honest conversation.  When Noah walks Janelle out to the parking lot, the two share a passionate kiss, but Janelle quickly ends it and reminds him that she is his boss.  While I’m guessing this is not the last encounter we will see between Noah and Janelle, their relationship could become scandalous and have an impact on Anton.  We’ll have to stay tuned to see what happens next, but I have to say that I am loving the introduction of Sanaa Lathan’s character, Janelle on the show.  It’s about time someone truly challenged Noah and got him to see things from another perspective.

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on The Affair below in the comments section.  Thanks so much for reading and happy viewing!

Best,

Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

@TV_Fanatic_Girl

If you enjoyed this blog, I would love it if you would click the follow button on your way out to subscribe.  Thanks for your support!