Ranking the top 5 moments from “Fear the Walking Dead” season 4 episode 4: “How Did You End Up Here?”

Happy Monday TV fans!  After watching AMC’s Fear the Walking Dead season 4 episode 4, I learned that some of us are born to run, but are we able to do so when we need to?  When it comes to survival, there has to be something more to live for than just food, as Nick explained.  Surviving becomes the everyday routine, but living is the hard part.  Living with guilt, living with emptiness, and living with the growing feeling inside you that you may never connect with the one you love again.  That’s the hard part.  Please note spoilers are ahead if you have not gotten a chance to watch the latest episode yet.  In Sunday’s episode, “Buried,” Al asks a big question and is in for an emotional roller coaster ride, as Victor, Alicia, and Luciana talk about why one day was so important.  Meanwhile, Morgan tells John that he plans to leave once Nick is buried and John discovers a painful truth of his own.   My top 5 moments from Fear the Walking Dead season 4 episode 4 are:


“How did you end up here? That’s a big question.  Sometimes those are the easiest ones to answer.”

In the beginning of the episode, Al sets everything in motion when she asks the big question to Victor, Alicia, and Luciana.  We get to hear about one day in particular that changed everything for each character, which lets us into their hearts and minds for just a little while.  Luciana remembers heading off to the library with Nick when everyone went out looking for supplies.  Luciana tried to get Nick to stay on track and focus on finding food, but he reminded her that “people need a reason to stick around and it can’t all be about food.”  Nick’s eyes lit up at the idea of starting a library at the stadium.  Even though it seemed like he mostly wanted to do this for Charlie, his words have a lot of truth behind them.  Luciana talks about a book of maps and navigation that they came across.  They decided to flip to any page randomly and that would decide their fate and where they head to next.  Luciana gravely says, “I should have never opened that book.”  The book opened to somewhere north, but Nick realized that the book took them to somewhere much farther than on those maps.  It’s what sparked the idea to find seeds and fertilizer to replant and build up the stadium.  Luciana breaks down into tears when she talks about this.  Nick’s focus on re-growth seemed like a wonderful sentiment, but it is brutally destroyed when we remember that Nick is dead now at the hand of Charlie.  However, that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t right all along about needing something more.


“You’re either with us trying to keep this going or you’re not.”

When Al gets to Alicia, she remembers that very same day and talks about going out to the abandoned water park with Naomi to find supplies.  Naomi was the newest member to their group and Alicia was putting a lot of trust in her when they set out together.  Going on the run brought them closer, but that can be a dangerous thing.  After barely escaping a gruesome death on the slip n’ slide filled with walkers, they came across a stash of medical supplies which made the trip worth it.  Naomi told Alicia to keep a look out and grabbed the supplies, taking off for the truck.  However, she doesn’t make it very far when she realized there was no gas in the tank.  Alicia remained calm when she approached the truck and shared a little about how she went off on her own for a while and that she soon discovered it was not where she really wanted to be.  She offered to get Naomi gas and told her that perhaps she will come to the same conclusion.  Alicia’s willingness to let Naomi go showed her that she truly understood the need to run, but she’s been down that path before and she won’t leave her mother, Madison again.  Naomi ultimately came around and returned to the stadium with Alicia.  They explained that they were going to set up an infirmary but Naomi warned Madison that “things are going to get worse before they get better.”  She’s certainly right about that, but no one could imagine to what extent.


“You want to get to know me.  This is me.”

For me, Victor’s disclosure of that day is the most resonating.  Victor carried his past around him and tried to cling to the good man he was been trying to be.  However, we know that it is no easy task to move forward without looking back from time to time.  Victor had a car filled with supplies that he had been keeping hidden from everyone.  His initial plan was to run away and survive as long as he could, but he had second thoughts.  Victor spotted the “Vermont’s finest” bottle that he was saving to celebrate with Alicia and said, “I got a little reminder of what I stood to lose.”  Victor brought back the truck with supplies to Madison but didn’t tell her the truth.  Even though Victor had always done what he needed to do, he found himself staying with Madison to do the right thing, even if will not work out in the end.  Victor had finally become the good man he had been trying to be for so long but at what cost?


“I should have convinced Madison to leave.  I should have kept the car secret.  We should have flipped to another page.”

While each character’s story about that day is emotional and sympathetic, this moment intertwines all three of them and reminds us that the day all results in the same outcome.  Nick is dead and the guilt is all too real and heartbreaking.  They all wanted to believe or stay or become a better person, but this had a consequence that can never be reversed.  While we all find ourselves replaying moments in our lives, regret and grief is something that we unfortunately need to experience along the way.  It can change us forever if we let it or it can remind us to hold on to the connections around us.  For now, it looks like Victor, Alicia, and Luciana are ready to turn to vengeance, but is it truly the right call?


“The answers only matter if they’re the truth.”

The van pulls over and Morgan is surprised that they want to bury Nick in some random spot off the road.  However, he quickly realizes that Victor, Alicia, and Luciana have another agenda, as they dig up weapons and supplies, ready to take on the Vultures.  Morgan reminds them about the importance of burying Nick and suggests that they bury him by a tree since he liked to grow things so much.  In a beautiful moment, Morgan places the blue bonnet flower over his grave, symbolizing that something good can still live on in a world filled with chaos and emptiness.  While everyone argues about whether or not to go after the Vultures, John Dorie comes across Naomi’s pack and recognizes the gun he described in the season premiere episode.  It belongs to his love; Laura who we discover is actually named Naomi.  Alicia reveals that she is dead and John is distraught, as the hope that has been keeping him going for so long finally breaks.  Al promises to find out what happened to her and goes off with Victor, Alicia, and Luciana, while Morgan stays behind with John.  John tells Morgan that he was right about being better on your own, which is perhaps the most heartbreaking moment of all.  John tried to see the good in everything around him, but his belief has been harshly shattered.  Based on the preview from next week’s episode, it looks like we will get to learn quite a bit about John and Naomi’s time together, but there is another question that is much more pertinent.  If Naomi is dead and the stadium is gone, where is Madison?  I am desperately hoping that she is alive, but our favorite characters are dropping like flies.  We’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

I hope you enjoyed the list and feel free to post your own theories and thoughts on Fear the Walking Dead in the comments section below.  Happy viewing!


Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl


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Amy Koto, TV Fanatic Girl

I live in Long Island, NY. I am obsessed with TV, movies, reading and writing! My top TV shows are Lost, Breaking Bad, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Prison Break, Charmed, Veronica Mars, and Beverly Hills 90210. My dog, Honey, loves TV too!

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